Once again, I made the mistake of judging a book by its cover. Or, in this case, a beer. Even though I knew I wouldn’t dig an espresso stout, a dark beer made from coffee beans, I drank it anyway because it’s so hard to say no to an Old Dominion label. It’s like, they’re aware that beer goggles don’t work until after you drink, so they had the foresight to put hot women on their labels, thus attracting people before they try it.

Creepy comments about cartoon women on beer labels aside, the 9% alcohol seemed almost irrelevant because the taste buds were confused. At the very best, espresso-tasting beer makes me want to take a shot of it in the morning, not sip 12 sludgy ounces of it late in the day. Finishing this was a chore, and each sip ultimately conditioned my senses to be repulsed by the women on Old Dominion’s labels.

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